The Mount Kembla Chronicle

Iron Chef America: Duck!!!!

We have been waiting with bated breath for Iron Chef America for some time. Until now it has been absen t from our screens, and we hailed it as one of the Great Lost TV Programs.

But a little voice whispered in my head - what if it was not so? What if this Great Lost Program owed its Greatness to the fact that it was Lost?

Well, Iron Chef America is now on our screens - and I am sad to confirm that it is indeed but a shell of its progenitor.

No Chairman Kaga poncing about in half the contents of FujiTV Wardrobe Department. No lunatic Challengers screaming "MICHIBA!!!! please" at the start of the program. No giggling female judges.

Just a shaven-headed Chairman who does a faux-Eastern thing in a quiet voice, interrupted by occasional bouts of screaming ("ALLEZ CUISINE!!!") suggesting that he has Tourette's Sydndrome.

Sometimes the Americans take an overseas program idea and do great things. All In The Family is one such example - farr funnier and yet far more poignant than Till Death Do Us Part.

But alas, Iron Chef America is not one of these programs.

And as for the "Secret Ingredient" - which is so Secret, it is incorporated into the program title - well, if the sensibilities of most American TV virewers is any guide, at least we won't have live Secret Ingredients trying to run away.

This week's "Secret Ingredient" is not an instruction to watch out for low-flying aeroplanes, nor is it a description of the batting averages of most of the current members of the touring England cricket team [1]. It is a description of the very-dead featured ingredient for this week's program.

[1]: When a batsman is Out for Zero in cricket, he/she is colloquially said to be "out for a duck".

The picture of Daffy Duck is from the blog Ed Batista: Executive coaching & Change Management.

The picture of the "Out for a duck" mug is from the CricShop website.

Yomigaeru-ga-ii, Iron Chefs! (I summon the Iron Chefs!): Lotus root

Tonight's Featured Ingredient o n Iron Chef (Ryōri no tetsujin - 料理の鉄人, "Ironmen of Cooking") on SBS Television is ...

Lotus root

This appears to be the last in the current SBS series of Iron Chef (Ryōri no tetsujin -
料理の鉄人, "Ironmen of Cooking"). Next week they start broadcasting Iron Chef America. I can hardly wait.

The picture at the top of this post is from the website From Xin Jishi in Xintiandi: "Shanghainese Home Cooking". The exact picture file location is at:
http://www.audreymagazine.com/November2004/images/photos/Dining-lotus-root.jpg

Yomigaeru-ga-ii, Iron Chefs! (I summon the Iron Chefs!): Munchkins

Tonight's Featured Ingredient o n Iron Chef (Ryōri no tetsujin - 料理の鉄人, "Ironmen of Cooking") on SBS Television are...

Munchkins!

Yes, we shoved Iron Chef aside to watch a re-run of the original Judy Garland classic movie The Wizard of Oz.

Poor Judy Garland. She looked so young & innocent. Oh well.

I have previously bored my readers with tales of the butler from The Sound of Music (an amateur theatrical role I played in the 1980s). Weell, I can regale you further with playing a Munchkin in the same theatre company's production of The Wizard of Oz.

Now I was young and stupid in those days, and I did not know much about Munchkins. So it was a mystery to me why people burst out laughing when I said i was playing a Munchkin.

The reader who does not know me would not know that I am 185cm tall and weigh about 100kg. So I am not a typical Munchkin.

Bu tas with all amateur productions, men were in short supply. Hence my starring role as a Mutant Munchkin (as I subsequently described myself when I researched the role and began to understand peoples' unbridled mirth at the mere mention of me playing a Munchkin).

On the plus side, I was very fit in those days - running about 5km per day (alas! the older I get, the better I was). I could leap over sets and do cartwheels in dance sequences.

This prompted a cast member to comment to a work colleague "He's rather fit for an old bloke." I was all of 31 years old at the time, whereas the average age of the chorus was about 20 - and most of them were unfit smokers.

The picture at the top of this post is from Seeing-Stars.

Yomigaeru-ga-ii, Iron Chefs! (I summon the Iron Chefs!): Sweet potato

Tonight's Featured Ingredient on Iron Chef (Ryōri no tetsujin - 料理の鉄人, "Ironmen of Cooking") on SBS Television is...

Sweet potato

This was the tie-break competition from last week's tied Potato Battle. They all looked a bit tired at the end of it all - sort of like when the footballers drop to the ground with cramps and exhaustion when playing extra time (but in this case the Chefs were just finished working and mugging at the camera).

The picture at the top of this post is from the website of the Kansas City Public Library (“How to grow a sweet potato creature”, by Ms Brenda)

Yomigaeru-ga-ii, Iron Chefs! (I summon the Iron Chefs!): Potato

Tonight's Featured Ingredient on Iron Chef (Ryōri no tetsujin - 料理の鉄人, "Ironmen of Cooking") on SBS Television is...

Potato

I hope Dan Quayle was watching - after the former Vice President of the USA achieved infamy bytelling a schoolboy that "potato" has an e on the end.

And this from the political party that brought us the "No Child Left Behind" literacy education law.

The picture at the top of this post refer to Paul Mickle's 1992: gaffe with an "e" at the end published in The Capital Century .

Yomigaeru-ga-ii, Iron Chefs! (I summon the Iron Chefs!): rice & advertisements

The featured ingredient on tonight's edition of Iron Chef (Ryōri no tetsujin - 料理の鉄人, "Ironmen of Cooking") on SBS Television is...

Rice spiced with commercials

This edition of Iron Chef was signifigant in that it is the first example I have seen of SBS's new policy of putting commercials in the programs rather than simply around them (as has been past practice).

It had to happen sooner or later I suppose. But what a shock, all the same.

Here in Australia we have 2 publicly-funded public broadcasters - ABC and SBS.

Under the federal Act of Parliament setting up the ABC, no advertising is permitted (a subject of much debate these days). But no such restraint for SBS.

Until now these have appeared between programs. Great for the viewer (who, if like me, is off making a cup of tea). And no interruptions to actual programs.

But I'm sure advertisers dislike it. Witness how the commercial television stations now almost never place ads between programs, preferring instead to jump to the next program before you flick channels.

One of the remarkable pleasures of using ABC / SBS TV & Radio has been the lack of advertising.

Granted, the level of self-promotion and self-merchandising done by the ABC sometimes is almost as distracting as any commercial station. But usually, there is a continuity of story and lack of the barrage ambience of commercial TV when we veg out in front of the ABC or SBS.

And its more than this. These 2 networks (usually) present considered alternatives to the barrage of rubbish that commercial TV programmers seem to think people lap up.

This dross was summed up by a letter writer to the [Sydney] Daily Telegraph (of all papers!) which commented on the preponderance of so-called "reality" programming by complaining that everyone on TV "...can't sing, can't dance, and can't stop eating."

I found in sampling American television in 2003-4 that this alternative voice is largely absent. PBS comes close to the mark, but I found it a bit uneven and the constant (albeit necessary) pleas for sponsorship a distraction.

SBS might be on a hiding to nothing (= be in a no-win situation) with this new advert policy. If it chases viewers away, then the value of their air time drops and they might try to put more ads on to compensate. On the other hand, if they do make more $$$ from this, the Australian Government might be even less inclined to fund this organisation.

Indeed, SBS might even end up hiring the Surprise Spruiker from ABC's The Chaser - the fellow who sounds like one of those store front spruikers, but with the difference of setting up outside the departures board at Flinders Street Railway Station, or at a sex expo, or outside the South Sydney District Rugby League Football Club (pictured at the top of this post) to spruik their run of match losses last season.

The above video shows the Surprise Spruiker in action at the 2006 Logies Awards presentation in Melbourne. The video is from YouTube. This might take a minute or two to download on a slower internet link.
The picture of the Surprise Spruiker outside the South Sydney Rugby League Football Club is from the blog idents.tv .

Yomigaeru-ga-ii, Iron Chefs! (I summon the Iron Chefs!): sea cucumber

The featured ingredient on tonight's edition of Iron Chef (Ryōri no tetsujin - 料理の鉄人, "Ironmen of Cooking") on SBS Television is...

Sea cucumber

The picture is from Richard Seaman .com .

Yomigaeru-ga-ii, Iron Chefs! (I summon the Iron Chefs!): crayfish

The featured ingredient on tonight's edition of Iron Chef (Ryōri no tetsujin - 料理の鉄人, "Ironmen of Cooking") on SBS Television is (are)...

Crayfish

The picture is from The Crayfish Corner .

Yomigaeru-ga-ii, Iron Chefs! (I summon the Iron Chefs!) - matsutake mushrooms

The featured ingredient on tonight's edition of Iron Chef (Ryōri no tetsujin - 料理の鉄人, "Ironmen of Cooking") on SBS Television is (are)...

Matsutake mushrooms

Another repeat, alas. Still, interesting to see Chairman Kaga's (Kaga Tekeshi)complete inability to actually have a spontaneous conversation with another person.

Chairman Kaga (to challenger): Welcome to my show.
Challenger (delivers 5-minute spiel about what a huge honour it is to be here, how his career is crowned by his very presence on this platform, and how he will carry happy memories of this day even unto his grave)
Chairman Kaga: Okay.

The image in this post comes from Tom Volk's Fungus of the Month for September 2000

On Vox: Yomigaeru-ga-ii, Iron Chefs! (I summon the Iron Chefs!) - tomatoes

The FEatured Ingredient on tonight's edition of Iron Chef on SBS Television is ...

» Read more on Vox